October 1st, 2006

Salvete dear readers,

Ah, the cold and stern autumn winds brush against my eyebrows as I contemplate the troubles of the plebeians. The onset of this brown and tragic season, and let us not forget, the dissipation of colours and warmth from our surroundings, is evidenced in the psyche of the common man. His subterranean abode already spared of the privilege of sunlight is rendered even colder and less hospitable as even more rodents and arachnids seek refuge under the roof above his head that is the pavement upon which I take my evening stroll, ever worrying about his well-being. I therefore hope that the alms and leftovers that I had my manservant Tacito throw into the gutters have brought the commoners at least a moment of joy in their life that is otherwise riddled with despair, depravity and depression.

Oh, if only they could afford this last issue of Roderick Popplestone’s Arbitrary Collection, Roderick Popplestone’s Burlesque Placebo for all your Semidiameter Needs. Even though it is to my fullest understanding that the contents of this fine magazine is well beyond their powers of comprehension, I cannot help but pray that one day, several generations from now, of course, a family of commoners might have saved up enough money to purchase a back-issue around which they can congregate, basking in its radiance and realising, at last, that even here, above ground, we cared. And this hypothetical back-issue might well be this one right here that I, Roderick Popplestone, present to you, my dear, quasi-literate reader. And what could be better than an issue, such as this one, filled to the brim with concise lines of lyricism, written in the ink of emotions, spawned by the aches of the heart and the joys of the mind. This third issue of Roderick Popplestone’s Arbitrary Collection has been meticulously tailored to suit this season. Aye, rhyme for your rime.

And with this fine introduction, sophisticated in its brevity, I give to you Roderick Popplestone’s Burlesque Placebo for all your Semidiameter Needs.

And remember: It is never a good idea for a gentlemen to produce extremities of any nature beneath the skirts of a lady before making sure that she is at least a branch and a twig away from you on the family tree.

Yours superiorly,

Roderick Popplestone