Hello, hello, Bosie Giddy-Gaylord here! It has come to my attention that Lord Mottsford, on one of his latest expeditions into the moist darkness of the female social life encountered, and snogged, a rare specimen of the Urkuk-hai tribe. Mottsford blamed his optometrist for the shoddy quality of his ale spectacles, which resulted in the bankruptcy of said optometrist and the ridiculing of Lord Mottsford from pretty much everyone else for a lengthy period of time. He saved face, however, by visiting the local casino and clearing the table of small chips and pocket change, finally leaving the establishment with hefty winnings that will, to my best knowledge, be spent on prostitutes and drugs.

Lord Jamés, on the other hand, was visited by his older brother, Lord Richmond, Archduke of Ithaca. Lord Jamés did his best to entertain his frater maior by showing him the sights and sounds of Stockholm, the intricacies of Newnose and the vastness of his DVD collection. The night before Lord Richmond’s departure, they accompanied Lady Godiva Bubamara and Lord Ponkleton to a typically Swedish Arabic party, which inspired even Lord Boyling to make an appearance by means of astral projection from a small hut on the savannah, whilst being stroked by the chieftain’s twin daughters. Much merriment ensued, including a spectacular fire show performed by two topless gentlemen, which seemed to cause Lord Jamés slight anxiety. I'm not sure for what reason, however, as both were stunning specimens of their gender.

But this is not all! Oh no, dear reader! A lot of other remarkably true and amazingly real events took place, so I am glad that I will not have to make this up to prolong your reading experience.

• Lord Jamés shaved off his beard, but, luckily, it grew back out in quarter of an hour, during which he hid away in the shower cabinet.
  
  
• Lord Mottsford developed maternal instincts, which led him to adopt a small Yorkshire Terrier, Mr. Fips, which he dressed up in ridiculously pink outfits.
  
  
• Lord Jamés briefly took up smoking again, but quit just before he had recommenced and thus the experience was no longer than was necessary.
  
  
• Lord Mottsford had an epiphany, of which he would tell no one.
  
  
• Lord Jamés did not have a strange dream about Meryl Streep.
  
  
• Lord Mottsford dated a woman his own age.